Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?! G-o-o-o-o-o – not the Cincinnati Bengals, that's for sure! The National Football League team is being sued by one of its cheerleaders (the Ben-Gals – do you see what they did there? Do you see?), Alexa Brenneman, for allegedly failing to pay the minimum wage.
Brenneman's suit claims that a cheerleader's maximum earnings of $900 per season, which covers all practice sessions, actual cheering at games, mandatory charity appearances and "volunteer" work, plus posing for and promoting the annual calendar from which the team itself makes money, works out at $2.85 an hour instead of the mandated $7.85.
What has really got people riled however, is the publication as part of the suit of the Ben-Gals' rule book, which contains conditions that would make even the least Friedan-friendly secretaries in Mad Men balk.
"Glamour is a priority!" it informs the Gals. To this end, there shall be: "No slouching breasts. Support as needed." Once we have shaken our heads to rid ourselves of the strangely unsettling, yet compelling mental image conjured by the phrase "slouching breasts", let us read on. Changes of hair and makeup, therefore, are required "as the director feels necessary". Frosted lipstick and eyeshadow are outlawed, as is any personal choice about what shades you should be wearing: "Management will determine your proper colour analysis."
And naturally, at her "Glamour evaluation", each cheerleader is informed of her "ideal weight" and "recommendations for improving physique will be provided". Cheerleaders are weighed twice a week and shot if they go more than 3lb over their ideal. I'm kidding – they're just required to stay for extra conditioning practice and "can/will be pulled from your position and possibly not considered for charity/paid events".
Outer conformity, of course, is no use without inner conformity and it is therefore incumbent upon the Gals to understand (in bold type) that "Insubordination to even the slightest degree IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TOLERATED!!! You will be benched or dismissed!!!" And there is to be "ABSOLUTELY NO ARGUING OR QUESTIONING THE PERSON IN AUTHORITY!!!" Consider yourselves excessively punctuated and TOLD.
To ensure that the team's reputation remains unsullied, the cheerleaders are required to accept as a friend or follower a Ben-Gals official so that she can make random checks on their social media accounts, presumably looking for non-approved lipstick and insubordinately slouching breasts.
So – pompoms at the ready, readers: Go Brenneman, go Brenneman, goooooooooo BRENNEMAN!
This article originally appeared on guardian.co.uk.
